The Muse's Corner
By the Philosopher of Arena Football
April 5, 2007
The Call of the Cauldron
Week 5 troubled me greatly. I had fed every scrap of data I had accumulated over the years into my trusty vintage 1981 Radio Shack Computer. The cassette tape drive hummed merrily along as I waited the results of my most difficult calculation: would Columbus be able to defeat the undefeated Georgia Force? The answer came back after a mere three hours: “Of course not, YOU IDIOT!” So Georgia would win again. Or so I thought.
As it turned out, Matt Nagy led the Columbus Destroyers to a stunning upset victory over the heavily favored Force. Nagy was 20-of-30 passes for four TDs. And on top of that, he ran two more in himself. Now what could possibly account for this uncalculable victory?
It was not until well near midnight that I came to the Muse’s Lair. The howl of the departing last train rent the silence of the sleeping city. In that murk, all seemed foul, and foul seemed fair, as a gray fog hovered in the filthy air. A chill went down my spine as the Muse chanted a Shakespearean song of witches:
“Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Dolezel broodeth over ancient losses
Sippio leaps to catch all tosses.
Nagy fires down the zone,
For Geogia’s errors they must atone:
Melt the Iron where it stands,
Crush the footballs into sands.
Ball of hair from Nashville Kat,
Mash it in a VooDoo hat.
Send the whistle down their throats,
No refs flag will float their boats.
Rip out laces of their shoe,
Make them eat this horrid goo.
Crash the Helmets of the foe,
They be tall grass, and we will mow!
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.”
I was deeply troubled by the Muse’s eerie vision. But what did it mean?
Revenge!
Dallas were riding high on a 13-3 season last year, and even easily took care of Georgia in the divisional playoffs. But then Dolezel was picked off three times, beat up, and completely humiliated in a 45-28 defeat by Orlando and never got the chance for ArenaBowl glory. So clearly, Dolezel and Dallas seek revenge.
Sippio was traded away for being an unproductive problem, without so much as good-bye kiss, by the Tampa Bay Storm halfway through last season. So clearly he seeks revenge.
And of course, Matt Nagy was another victim of an uprooting trade despite being a loyal source of TD passes for the Georgia Force. So he too seeks revenge.
Revenge is something that we can all relate to. Shakespeare’s Hamlet is torn by the need to avenge his father’s murder. Captain Ahab is driven by the need for revenge against the whale that took his leg. Revenge is a simple feeling, but it is hard to describe. Francis Bacon once said: “Revenge is a kind of wild justice.” But revenge is much more than that in the realm of fantasy football. It is a motivator. And revenge is a source of points, as we can see in the production of Nagy, Dolezel, and Sippio this season. Fantasy owners must always keep an eye out for the next explosion of revenge.
Paul Celmer, aka The Philosopher of Arena Football, is a member of the Arena Football League Writers Association and a founding member of Arena Football Online. Contact Paul at pcelmer@arenafootballonline.com
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