The Muse's Corner
By the Philosopher of Arena Football
Confines of Game Theory
It was as I was perusing the 13th volume of statistics that proved the correlation between indoor relative humidity and points scored by defensive backs in the average Arena Football game that I was struck by a strange, eerie cold racing down my spine. For some reason, the words of my former mentor, Professor Platistottle, came back to haunt me: “You have forgotten the basics of Game theory! If all participants have equal knowledge, it is impossible to find an advantage! The theoretical result will always be a tie!”
Now his words are not what I wanted to hear ringing in my skull, for I desperately wanted to beat those other miscreants in my Arena Fantasy Football League (more about them in a future column). But what if Platistottle was right? How can I win if my fellow owners have access to the same information that I do? What can be done? Cut the power lines to their houses so they cannot study the same texts as I? Feed them false data? Jam all radio and TV signals so they are in a news black hole? I was in misery, as all my studying seemed to be for naught. But then, I remembered the Muse. And she did sing:
"When passing yards versus first downs
and all your numbers and calculation
Seem to leave no possible room
for the advantage of disputation--
At some point linear prose
Must transcend to multi-verse
For barren numbers alone
Cannot give birth to a universe.
To go beyond the data
Here is what you must do--
Distill the beauties of each week
Into one single Haiku:
End wall rushes in.
Yet, time enough for last leap--
Jackson, one-hand score!"
So what does this jarring verbal fusion of west and east mean? One must at the very least continue to study all available information if one is to even have a hope of winning a fantasy championship. However, study alone is not enough. There comes a time when you must take your knowledge and, like Chris Jackson did in week 2 against Nate Coggins and the Austin Wranglers, leap beyond.
Paul Celmer, aka The Philosopher of Arena Football, is a member of the Arena Football League Writers Association and a founding member of Arena Football Online. Contact Paul at pcelmer@arenafootballonline.com
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