Ask ArenaBoy
By Richard Giorgi
Where have all the flowers gone?
I want to start by first apologizing to all owners of Colorado DS Rashad Floyd, San Jose WR James Roe, Georgia OS Chris Jackson, Grand Rapids DS Johnnie Harris, Kansas City WR James Jordan, Nashville FB Dan Alexander, Columbus OS Thabiti Davis, Colorado K Clay Rush, Philadelphia WR Mike Brown and New York QB Aaron Garcia.
All those players have been going through somewhat disappointing individual seasons, ups and downs and injuries and great games followed by long droughts and stubbed toes on kick attempts and dropped passes and concussions and hamstrings and unexplained absences and disappearing acts and finally broken bones.
And they're all on, or were on, my fantasy team.
Now I know fully well that the fantasy owner's most monumental delusion is the unexplainable reasoning that I, the owner, actually control the performance of my players. That should I, the owner, lose faith, the player in question will lose his motivation, like a small child yearning for social acceptance who, faced with disapproval, gives up and simply huddles with books and television and 40-in-1 science kits rather than risk the frowning faces until the confidence is restored. I'm fully aware of this fallacy, wherein if I keep faithful and support my players, they'll be renewed and revitalized and begin to play as I expected them to when I drafted them proudly. I know that's delusional, at best.
But still, I can't help feel responsible.
Why, Aaron Garcia even went so far as to break his leg to extricate himself from the decay around him that is my team. The toughest QB in the AFL. Can we even fathom what kind of dedication it took for him to enact that fracture? No, we can't. We can't because this is fantasy football. And we're not responsible for anything but risky draft picks and bad luck.
But still, I'm sorry. I apologize, I really do. The silver lining is that I never once touched Chicago's WR Etu Molden. That one, I'm not responsible for...
And to Mr. Roe and Mr. Jackson and Mr. Davis and Mr. Jordan and Mr. Floyd, I believe in you. You are my heroes and I know, I can smell, I can taste how many records you'll all set this year. This amazing year that will warm you in your twilight. I'm very fortunate to have been able to draft you all.
Now please guys... how about one win this year?
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